so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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