Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos