My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference