i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.