Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
