Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
