The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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