you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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