You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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