a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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