I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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