does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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