I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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