pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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