I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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