Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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