At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
