So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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