the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
