Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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