Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
