NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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