My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
