Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
