So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
