Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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