I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
