theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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