I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
