Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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