I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
