All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
