i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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