My friends, they love my intelligence
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
