ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
