Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
