I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
