Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Drunk is a universal language darling
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