I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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