return my video game
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
how drunk are you?
Several
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
