I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
