it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
