DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
