I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
