I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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