just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
