If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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