Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
