Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
