Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
