I got chris browned last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
