i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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