Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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