I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
