i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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