I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
