I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its liver damage thursday
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize