it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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