i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
